Decoding Hatta.

that I am doing something worthwhile, that I am the piece of the puzzle that everyone seems to be looking for. I could say a lot of things, but nobody listens when I talk.

I don’t seem to fit anywhere right now. So here I am, in my room writing how I feel, playing video games, anything really, even plotting a way out of this maze I keep making myself.

When you lie in bed all day, you remember a lot. You close your eyes and listen to your own heart beat, and think about who you are.

I ask myself the same question Blair did, when did everything get so screwed up? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m supposed to do. And I feel so lost.

I spend the day daydreaming. When I’m in bed all day, I live in another world. Face the wall and listen to the music that coincidentally, lyric for lyrics feels like it’s reading my mind and knows exactly how I feel, but that’s not really me, those are still someone else’s words.

Days like this reminds me of who I really am.

I am myself when I am laughing out loud with friends.

I am myself when I eat a slice of cheese cake and savour how happy every bite makes me feel.

I am myself when I am happy.

I am myself when I dont talk a lot.

I am myself when I choose to be alone.

I am myself when I treat my friends like family.

I tend to be dangerously hard on myself, so it helps that no one listens when I talk. Sometimes, not even me. ;)

Yes, I am. But I seem to lack the ability to connect with people. 

Most of the time people misconstrue my silence for indifference.

The thing is I can see beyond what people want, and what they need. I offer my friends honesty but most of the time they want it sugar coated.

What I am trying to say is I’m not the monster most paint me to be. I am loving, I hug my friends when I see them, because I want them to know I’ve missed them.

I am posting this to remind myself why I am this way, sometimes I tend to regret not being the fun, no holds barred kind of person that people seem to look for in a friend.

What happened? And when did everything get so screwed up? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who I am anymore. 

The best scene was when Jenna was talking and better in time started playing, I got goosebumps!

After that I was like this :O the whole time. And when Mona fell, I was like WTF?! :O, I really liked her, I had to rewind the scene and watch it all go down, literally.

Anyone notice the dollhouse? I think the top doll was the real A, and the 4 dolls under her was Maya, Mona, a white doll with black hair and another one with blonde hair. May be they’re hints. I don’t know.

Take the whole damn thing! a slice won’t do. 

I met Michelle Lee on duty. After just 2 minutes of talking to her I realized that she’s not like most girls.

She’s fun to be with. She doesn’t say “I feel so ugly today” with the intent of getting a compliment. She basically lives by her own rules 

She’s the type to catch your attention even if she not trying! That’s probably why she gets picked on most of the time. She doesn’t care though, that’s how awesome she is.

She’s one of the few friends that I still maintain contact with and see whenever time permits.

Winners are the people who recognize the desire every one of us has to quit when faced with adversity and who develop ways of dealing with it.

I just did. Walking away from something that’s obviously making my life unbearable. But you know what? I actually feel relived. In a way I feel like I won.

Everyone’s guilty of “bahala na”, it’s basically quitting and it’s part of everyday life. It took a lot for me to admit that I couldn’t do the task at hand. Truth is, we are all quitters. The sooner we realize it, the better. Then we can get on with the business of overcoming it.

Be no more humble than your talent requires.